Good communication skills do not come naturally. At least they don’t to most people. They are learned skills. To master them takes observation, patience and dedication. It also helps to have an understanding of why good communication skills are important. Some people don’t seem to grasp this point. A person has to have the intention to be good at communicating and then be familiar with its components.
What are some of the parts of good communication?
First, paying attention to the person we’re talking or listening to. This can be simply explained as “being there”. Have you ever had a conversation with someone when you weren’t being there? I mean your body was there; smiling, nodding, looking interested, but YOU were somewhere else. This can happen easily. How about when YOU are doing the talking, can you spot it when the person you’re talking to sort of zones out and isn’t there at all? When you’re on the phone can you tell when the other person starts to do something else and isn’t paying full attention to the conversation?
Another example is the person who is so busy thinking what to say when you’re done talking that they forget to hear what you are saying. Or someone so wrapped up in his or her own universe that they don’t hear others at all.
In customer service an example of not paying attention is a person who hears the same sorts of complaints all the time, and so when another customer calls with a complaint, the “customer service person” doesn’t really listen, and tends to zone out or even cut the customer off before they can say what they have to say.
Then there is the skill of listening. How many times in a day do you speak to a person who you feel is not REALLY listening to you? I don’t know if there are really levels of listening, but it seems like it. You know, a shallow level of listening is when you get a general idea of what the other person is saying, but not a deep comprehension. This skill goes back to simply “being there”. If you’re not being there then you probably won’t be listening very well.
Then there is how you respond to the other person. Do you acknowledge what the person says? Many people think that simply responding to someone is the same thing as an acknowledgment. It is not! An acknowledgment lets the other person know that you received what they just said. Acknowledging does not mean that you agree, only that you got what they said.
If a person speaks and does not get acknowledged they tend to repeat what they said. Of course many people get irritated if they have to repeat themselves. In customer service this is huge! If you don’t correctly (in the mind of the customer!) acknowledge the complaint the customer will tend to repeat it over and over. As an example, have you ever spoken to a customer who repeats the problem over and over while you are suggesting solutions? Some customer service people start to offer solutions before they even acknowledge the upset the customer has. In many cases all the customer wants is to be heard and acknowledged.
Not receiving a timely acknowledgment can cause all manner of reactions. Have you ever emailed or written a letter to someone who didn’t answer in what you felt was a reasonable amount of time? What ideas go through your mind? You may get the idea that the person who didn’t answer is: angry, upset, doesn’t like you any more or is not happy with some thing you did, the person died, had an accident, etc, etc. Its amazing what people will dream up simply because they didn’t get an answer!
Studies show that lack of acknowledgment is the number one cause of customer upset and divorce in the USA.
Actually I just made that up, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it were true.
A person working in a customer service call center often hears the same complaints often. This is probably one of the biggest challenges in customer service. Ones communication skills are truly tested! The very fact of hearing the same complaints and having to give the same advice is difficult. It is hard because if you don’t sound like you are listening, if you don’t wait to hear the entire story BEFORE you acknowledge and start to explain what to do about it, the customer will notice right away and get even more upset.
One of the funny things about communication skills is this: Most people do fine with these points if, say, they are applying for a new job, talking to the boss, or out on a date. When we want to impress someone every effort is made to do the above simple points. Do we make this effort with everyone we speak to? Probably not. Really top-notch communication requires some discipline on your part. In your personal relations how good are you at doing the above points consistently?
These three skills, being there, listening and acknowledging are vital parts of communication. They can be improved easily. The first step is to do a little self-analysis and see where you stand on each one. Simply recognizing that you are weak in an area and want to improve it can make a big difference. It doesn’t have to take long. Awareness and the internal decision to improve can do the trick.
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